Episode 6 - Let's Skip Own Egg IVF and Pursue Donor Egg IVF

Hello and welcome to 'My Donor Egg IVF Journey – Raw + In Real Time'.  

I am Claudine, your podcast host. I want to share my Donor Egg IVF journey via my podcast in the hope that my experience will help others.  This is our safe holding space. If you haven’t already listened to Episode 1, my introduction, please do so. 

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In this episode, episode 6 of my podcast, I share with you what led to my decision not to attempt my own egg, despite the fact that I had not yet sought up to date fertility testing.

Here is the link I referred to in today’s episode;

https://www.audible.com.au/pd/All-I-Know-Audiobook/B00FO18ELC

Thank you for stopping by. Please follow me if you are on a similar journey or are interested in the Donor Egg experience.

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Thank you for sharing your time with me. From my heart to yours, sending healing energy to all of my listeners. 🤍 
    
Claudine Xx

***** DISCLAIMER *****

I am not a medical or mental health professional. All content in this podcast (and any material I have created relating to this podcast) is created for informational purposes only. I am only sharing my personal l journey. The information that I share is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or mental health advice and should not be relied on as health or personal advice. 

Always seek the guidance of your doctor or other qualified health professional with any questions you may have regarding your health or a medical condition. Never disregard the advice of a medical professional, or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast or read on any material I have created relating to this podcast. 

If you choose to rely on any information I have shared with you, you do so solely at your own risk. 

If you listen to any episode of this podcast, you are confirming that you understand and agree to this disclaimer.  

Transcript

0:03

Welcome to my Donut Egg IVF journey, raw and in real time. I'm Claudine, your podcast host. I want to share my Donut Egg IVF journey via my podcast, in the hope that my experience will help you and others. This is your safe holding space, created with a heart centered approach. A place to land to share all things related to Donut Egg conception. I want you to feel safe, supported and informed during our shared journey. Now let's start today's episode. If you haven't already listened to episode, one of my podcast plays do. My recommendation is that my episodes are listened to in the order that they're released. But of course, it's up to you to decide how you go about listening to my podcast in that regard. The initial episodes of this podcast, we'll get you up to speed. And from thereafter, I'll update you in real time. Please pay attention to the disclaimer at the end of the show notes of this episode. By continuing to listen to this episode, you understand and agree to that. Disclaimer, in its entirety. Today's date is Sunday, the 2nd of February, 2025. So in the last episode of this podcast, I shared with you the first step that I took in commencing my donor egg journey. And I also shared what I call the art of distraction skill. So that's one of the many skills that I use to better manage my emotions. So in this episode, episode six of this podcast, I will share what led to my decision, not to attempt my own egg IVF. Uh, despite the fact that I had not yet sought up-to-date fertility testing. So I'll start today's episode from where we left off last time in the last episode. So the morning after the donor egg pathway was suggested to me, that's the morning following my inability to sleep until the wee hours of the morning. I had a much deserved sleep in. That really did me some good. Now I admit that, although I wasn't elated upon waking, I certainly felt emotionally lighter than I had the previous day. So that day was a Friday. So periodically throughout that day and following the next day, I read numerous posts and comments in, um, Facebook, IVF groups and Facebook donor egg IVF groups. I also joined a Facebook group in Australia. Now within that group, Australians were either donating eggs or seeking donor eggs. I didn't like the idea of having to apply for donor eggs from other Australian women, um, who were donating their eggs. So I could see that people were putting their case forward. Um, so what I likened it to was, you know, like applying for a job, um, forwarding your resume and being interviewed. Like being analyzed, being assessed for your fit and worthiness. So that did not appeal to me at all. Um now for those of you who are unaware, it is actually illegal to purchase donor eggs. In Australia, by the Sunday mornings, that's day three, following being suggested the donor egg route. I had further warm towards the idea of pursuing donor eggs. Like I wasn't sold on the idea, but I was certainly more comfortable with the idea. So whilst reading comments in one of the Facebook IVF groups, I came across a comment they're referred to a book. A book by Mary costars called all I know. I've included a link to that book in today's show notes. So that link is to audible Australia. I do have a lot of overseas listeners. So the majority of my listeners are actually from overseas. Now for those listeners, you may be better suited to Googling the book, title an author, and see where that takes you. So that book's been written in an easy to read format. It was an easy to listen format. And Mary herself is the narrator of that audio book. So some of you are familiar with Mary. If you're, you are of similar age to me, so I'm 44 now, or even if you're up to a few or so decades older and Australian. Uh, you may be familiar with a TV character Effie from Acropolis now. Mary played that character and she's now a financial advisor for one of Australia's TV networks. Acropolis now was an Australian TV set comb. That ran for 63 episodes. Those episodes were broadcasted from 1989 to 1992. Um, on Australia's seven network. So the Effie character was involved in other productions following that. And I believe that she's had some recent productions as well. After an extended break. Now I grew up watching Acropolis now and big. No big hair, Effie. She may be laugh many times during the 1980s and 1990s. So naturally the comment that referred to her book caught my eye. Now I love writing books, but I don't always have the opportunity. Or even sometimes I don't make the opportunity. Um, to read books as often as I do listen, listen to audio books. So I found all I know on audible and I'll listen to most of that audio book on the Sunday. And completed at bow by the Monday. I just listened to it while driving and while doing chores. And that's the way I usually listen to audio books. So on the Sunday, I had to go, go to Ikea. So I listened to it while driving to, and from Ikea. And that's about an hour's drive each way. There was on the way to Ikea and I had tears trickling down my face. And then on the way home, my tears poured out my tears. I pulled in my eyes. They streamed down my face. That was obviously, while listening to that audio book. The reason being is that I emphasize with Mary and her struggles trying to conceive, look, I know that her journey, and my journey, they're two different journeys, but I definitely felt her pain. Um, and it did, it reminded me of my, my pain and, you know, the pain that I'd experienced, the day prior. And over, the days that, proceeded that. So listening to Mary's journey helped me process my own emotions. That had been brewing over the few days, um, leading to that. And. In the end. I was glad that I continued to listen to her journey, despite it triggering my emotions. Um, I found it quite cathartic and it released my pent up emotions, which I was still in the midst of processing. You know, by that stage, it was only what day three. And it's not a surprise. So. Emotional tears have special health benefits. There is a biochemist and T expert. His name's Dr. William Frey. So he discovered that emotional tears contain stress hormones. Those stress hormones get extracted from the body through crying, uh, as well as other toxins, which accumulate during stress. So crying, alleviates, built up emotional stress. Now whether that's stresses in the form of psychological tension. Or in the form of toxic waste products resulting from the exposure to stressful conditions. According to researchers crying releases, oxytocin and endorphins. So those feel good chemicals help ease both physical and emotional pain. I've purposely trained myself to ignore what I was taught as a toddler, as a child, as a chain. So that's to stop crying, to get rid of my friend and put on a happy face. Uh, children are to be seen and not heard. To stop talking about upsetting things and so forth. I've even been told those things as an adult, by certain people. So now I realize that these were words from adults who had difficulty with or were uncomfortable with. Uh, navigating difficult situations. Um, and or unaware of how to regulate their emotions. Uh, generally on this is now a generally don't store, hurtful emotions within me by suppressing tears. Um, I generally allow my tears to flow and purify my mind, heart and soul. So I'm still a work in progress in that regard, but I've definitely changed my ways. And I know that I'm better for it. So by Monday, the 14th of October, 2024. So that's on the fourth day. Following my consultation during which the donor egg pathway was suggested to me, um, I made a decision not to go straight to donor egg IVF, and I felt very comfortable about my decision. My partner also agreed with my decision. So over the three days leading to that point, I had reflected on a number of factors. The reasons why I decided to scape IVF I'm my own eggs are as follows. So it was turning 44 in a couple of months. I'm 44 now. So. Dependent on the country. Your end. Um, or depending on the country we're referring to donor egg transfers are allowed up to 50 to 51 years of age. So that meant that if opting for donor eggs, I'd have to conceive and give birth to all the children I intended to have by that time. So now I'm 44. Also my recent traumatic years that are referred to in earlier episodes, they had quite an effect on my nervous system and my physical health. I am getting healthier in that regard, but I'm still cleaning up the aftermath of that. Uh, also for varying reasons, I feel that it's better for my overall health to minimize my exposure to further stress medication, et cetera. Um, also to be in the best health as soon as possible. Uh, and at the time of transfer also during pregnancy and the time of birth. So if I were to pursue IVF, I'm my own eggs and that was unsuccessful. I would then naturally have to move to donor eggs. So I thought of what that would look like. Would it look like one year of hormone replacement therapy and its side effects, potential side effects. Um, one year of hope potentials in terms of miscarriages, unsuccessful, transfers, stress, heartache, grief, et cetera. Or would it be two years? Would it be five years? Um, or would it be 10 years? Like Mary Kostas? I don't even have 10 years to try with my own eggs. Um, as during an egg transfer is a permitted only up to age 50 or 51. If you think about it, it's like all of those meds. Potential side effects. Um, other potentials in terms of fowl, transfers, stress, grief, et cetera. Then potentially starting my donor egg journey in that state. So as most of us know, During the egg, it's not the fix all solution. So statistics show that generally, most women who undergo donor egg IVF will have a successful birth within for donor egg transfers. And the success rate increases with age transfer. So we need to allow that requires us to allow enough time for that. And also don't forget the breaks that we need to have between cycles. So most clinics will not let you have right. Uh, back to back cycles, they will. Uh, ask that you have at least one month break in between cycles. Also for us in terms of financials were concerned, are we. We will concern back then, and we still are concerned about the overall cost of donor eggs. Um, also the number of cycles we may need. We actually need to ship my partners from overseas. Um, and also the costs. Um, required for each cycle. So that's airfares, accommodation, you know, spending money whilst abroad, et cetera. Um, you know, and you considering that you may need up to four cycles may be even more. Also without making our life quite uncomfortable, we honestly cannot afford to add the cost of potentially years of IVF with my own eggs. Um, on top of the cost of the Darnay pathway. Now our age is something we took into consideration as well. So. You know, it's true that your, as old as you feel, but at the same time, We need to admit that we all experienced age-related changes to our body. Um, also changes in the way we, we wished to live day to day life, et cetera. There was also consideration for our unborn child or children. If you think about it this way, if I gave birth to our child next year, for instance, Um, so that's when I'm 45, I would be 65 by the time our child is 20 years old. So enough said. So our main goal was to have a healthy baby as soon as possible. It was also important for me to be in the best physical and mental health as possible. Now that's both during the process. Um, you know, the pregnancy. Uh, you know, also the donor egg process transfers, et cetera, as well as post-birth. So I think that some of us can get so focused on the journey towards being a mother. But I also have to be mindful of the physical health and mental mindset. That I feel I should aim to have, after giving birth and, you know, the years that follow. Particularly as an older mum. Um, now there were other reasons why I decided to skip IVF. My own eggs and jump on the donor egg route, but those were the main reasons. Um, now. By the fourth day I made the decision. Yeah. So I made the decision by the fourth day. So at the time, and looking back now, Like even looking back now, I'm still surprised that it only took us four days to make a decision. A decision with as much weight as that had. There've been many instances where it's taken me. Longer to decide, for instance, what to wear to an event, what to wear on a night out. Um, so in saying that I was very confident in the decision that I made and, you know, he, uh, What are your thoughts to be in like four months later? I'm even more confident in that decision. And my partner feels the same way. In saying that, however, I want to highlight that we're all different and therefore the timeframe in which we make decisions, um, as well as our thought processes. Um, they'll also defer. So, oh, I do want to add as well that I've since undergone up-to-date fertility testing and I'll discuss those results in later episodes. So that concludes today's episode. Please tune into the next episode of this podcast, where I will discuss the importance of connections and shared experiences. My first consultation with a Russian IVF clinic and our experience in choosing our preferred darner. Thank you for sharing your time with me. From my heart to yours, sending healing energy to all of my listeners.